I have more positive memories, than negative. Each of them has helped me to be who I am.
The feelings, experiences and people.
Professional fangirl with ADHD.
Bilingual. I have to many hobbies, i just follow the dopamine. I am a passionate and creative person, with a lot of imagination and with much for saying.
☆And that's all☆
"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
When Aziraphale comes back he better do a 1 hour choreographed ‘I was wrong, You were right’ dance… with backup dancers. Bring back the boa, too. Make him work for it, Crowley.
I absolutely cannot stop thinking about the version of Crowley we get to see from before the Fall. He smiles differently, he speaks differently. There’s so much oppenness in his expression. He loves what he does! Is genuinly mournful when he learns it will be destroyed.
Compared to the Crowley we see after years of solitude, abuse and treading on eggshells around his bosses. Closed off, furious, suspicious. I do truly believe that after he was called back to Hell in the graveyard that the next time Aziraphale saw him was in 1862, when he asked, in that feeble, broken down voice, for Holy Water. He has spent so much of his existence in survival mode, is desperate to cling to the peace he’s found.
Nina describes him as the “hard bitten one” who can’t trust anyone ever again, and it sort of gobsmacked me that she could see that!!! that Neil Gaiman would have someone say that!!!!! But, of course, she is in many ways the same.
Whatever happened to Crowley after the Laudanum incident certainly wasn’t a one-off. He was certainly punished again and again for deeds seen as too good. Enough so that when he is called kind, when he is called good, when he is thanked, his response is violent panic.
It’s easy for us to believe that maybe he’s always been like that. But no. Gaiman gave us incontestable proof that there was a time where Crowley smiled freely, where he looked with wide and joyful eyes at the parts of the world he created. The difference from that, to the numb and deeply lonely Crowley that we see with Job, the anxious, repressed and angryCrowley that we see in the present day, is one of the biggest tragedies of all.
not to be too delulu in these trying times but I really like how Crowley is perfectly positioned to be humanity/earth’s sole Guardian Something for the upcoming second coming/armageddon attempt. Crowley who we saw repeatedly protecting, herding, and caring for humans all season in both the past & present. Crowley, the gardener, who spoke our galaxy into existence, who won’t even kill goats, who knows that ducks like peas and they’re good for them too.
I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled.
I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1. the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “…You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside.
Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY
I’m definitely on Crowley’s side in the divorce, but this makes perfect sense for Aziraphale. He’s not acting maliciously or carelessly, he literally doesn’t get it!! He doesn’t understand why Crowley wouldn’t want this, because he remembers how happy Crowley was before the Fall. And if Crowley’s an angel again, he and Aziraphale can be even more happy together!
It’s naive, childish, and based on the idea that heaven is still the good side. Aziraphale hasn’t been able to separate from heaven like Crowley has from hell, because he still believes in heaven’s values, and that with just the right leadership, he can make things better. He has hope. It’s why I think he never fell.
It’s also not like Crowley has the best communication skills either, he hasn’t really told Aziraphale how he really feels about all this. He nudges Aziraphale, he asks questions out loud, but he never truly opens up about his real feelings about it all. Crowley becoming an angel again would change nothing, because he’s a different person than he was then. What he’s gone through can’t be erased like Aziraphale thinks it can. It’s all perfectly, horribly in character, and while Crowley needs to communicate better, Aziraphale is the one who has some real growing up to do. I have a feeling he’s gonna have a real rude awakening up in heaven, it might even break him.
